My partner sent me a fantastic article by Brent T. Atkinson about the traits of ‘successful couples.’  Dr. Atkinson lists the following 10 attributes of couples who report as very happy and are in long term relationships:

“When you feel misunderstood or judged….

1. Avoiding a judgmental attitude towards your partner.

 

2. Standing up for yourself without putting your partner down. For example:

• when your partner criticized you;
• when your partner dismisses your feelings or opinions;
• when your partner puts you down. 

3. Finding something understandable in what your partner is saying even if you disagree.

 

4. Working towards equally satisfying solutions.

 

5. Offering assurances when things feel stuck, i.e. “I don’t think there’s something wrong with you… I’m just concerned about____.”

 

6. Identifying and explaining what is at stake.

 

Building the emotional bond…

7. Staying curious and interested in your partner’s world.

8. Keeping sight of the positive.

9. Making and responding to “bids” for affection.

10.  Pursuing shared meaning. Being on a ‘shared journey.’

Dr. Atkinson speaks about the ability to manage and influence one’s own moods and attitudes as a master skill that will influence your ability to do the above 10 items.

For the complete article click here: Ten Habits of Highly Successful Intimate Partners by Brent J. Atkinson

 

For more on couples see: Jealousy in Relationships

See also Increasing Erotic Connection

And Staying Together, after Kids

Also 8 Steps to Communicating with your Partner about Big Life Issues