A starting place in addressing intrusive memories is to understand that our memories are multifaceted and that each facet can be addressed in order to lesson their intensity and impact on us.
"Chronic suicidal ideation takes so many forms. It can be fantasizing about passing during sleep, developing a terminal disease, dying in a tragic accident. Or it’s background noise, a staticky station whispering taunts you can almost, but never entirely, tune out." Anna Borges
Your strong emotions are not the problem, they are a helpful sign that you need some care. Not only do you deserve to care for yourself, it is your responsibility to do so. This includes asking for help when you need it, setting good boundaries and reaching out for support.
Historically, I have paid much closer attention to my dreams than to my nightmares, I have discovered that, like my waking life, looking closely at the things that cause me fear and shame, has been very effective in helping me to understand areas of my self that require attention and have, surprisingly to me, greatly reduced their intensity and frequency.
Men learn that emotions, and emotional connection are, at best, distractions (unless they are a means to money or sex) and, at worse, anathema to true masculinity.
When family members behave in ways that are abusive or unsafe, many of us respond with our childhood responses, fight, flight or freeze.
If your safety, housing, employment, human rights or mental health is at risk based on the outcome of a debate then you are a significant stakeholder in the debate and caring for your mental health is paramount.
A shared condition.
Is it safe to say when you are unhappy with something? Are you allowed to show weakness or not to know something? What kind of response will you get when asking for time off for a family emergency, for holidays, or for self care?
Passive aggression most often occurs when someone is angry and feels that they cannot express that anger overtly, and instead communicate it indirectly.