While there are many things that you can do to improve a relationship that you want to keep, for some, even when both parties have done all they know to do to save it, a decision may be made to end the relationship. What happens next can dramatically impact the level of upheaval to follow.
When we rely completely on our partner for all of our relational needs, we risk overburdening our partners and asking for things that they may not possess. No one other person will be able to meet every one of those needs and if we are unwilling to look elsewhere to have them filled than we risk malnourishment in whatever area is lacking. The results of this, at an emotional level, varies from bitterness to depression, from anxiety to anger.
Consider ways in which another person could have the same goals as you, or goals that you would admire, and still make decisions and act in ways that appear contrary to you.
It sucks to find out that something you said or did hurt another person. It is scary to be accused of something that you didn’t do, or didn’t mean to do. It’s disheartening and sometimes enraging to be labelled a ‘bad person.’ But you are not alone.
I won’t say that we don’t put effort and resources into the ending of relationships, but all too often, this has less to do with honouring the ending, and more to do with getting even.
The skills to stand up for oneself, to confront others, or to do ones own work are necessary ones and worthwhile developing.
We all need each other. We need diversity to fill in our gaps and the areas we cannot see clearly. Finding that in a partner is a rare treasure.
You don’t have to have the same interests to connect but being interested in your partner and who they are will keep the two of you connected.
We exist on a spectrum. Some people are extreme introverts and others extreme extroverts and these tendencies may shift throughout our lives depending on our life situations.
Dr. Atkinson lists the following 10 attributes of couples who report as very happy and are in long term relationships: