The work of a couple is to determine what role porn plays in their relationship, what role it could play, if any, and how this works for everyone.
At some point in life, most of us will look at where we are and what we have, and how close we are to what we imagined our life would be. Whatever we see, how we feel about it will often be connected to how we feel about ourselves.
If your own personal morals and ethics permit you to observe two consenting adults engage in sexual activity, without guilt, for the purpose of your own enjoyment, then you may be interested in learning how to best support porn which uses legal and humane labour practices.
Our society has a tendency to continue to perpetuate fear and shame around sexuality, in ourselves and towards others. This shame results in lack of information which causes real harm to ourselves and others, and a difficulty identifying when something is causing real problems and when it is not. Fear will not help us with this. We need to examine our own beliefs about sexuality and porn, look at the information about sexuality and porn, and make decisions based on this.
Continuing to avoid things we know we will need to face means that we are carrying an extra weight, even when we think we are ignoring it.
...if you don't like your therapist, and/or you think your therapist doesn't like you, you are not likely to experience the changes your are hoping for.
Feelings do not go away if you bury them, they cause damage internally which sometimes leaks into destructive behaviour, the kind which can put couples in crisis.
The question, at this point in history, while working our way out of a time when grief has been so pathologized, might be, how do we know when there is a problem with grief?
Passive aggression most often occurs when someone is angry and feels that they cannot express that anger overtly, and instead communicate it indirectly.
"They say they love me, but if they really knew, who I am... what I've done...."