Our society has a tendency to continue to perpetuate fear and shame around sexuality, in ourselves and towards others. This shame results in lack of information which causes real harm to ourselves and others, and a difficulty identifying when something is causing real problems and when it is not. Fear will not help us with this. We need to examine our own beliefs about sexuality and porn, look at the information about sexuality and porn, and make decisions based on this.
Continuing to avoid things we know we will need to face means that we are carrying an extra weight, even when we think we are ignoring it.
Feelings do not go away if you bury them, they cause damage internally which sometimes leaks into destructive behaviour, the kind which can put couples in crisis.
Passive aggression most often occurs when someone is angry and feels that they cannot express that anger overtly, and instead communicate it indirectly.
"They say they love me, but if they really knew, who I am... what I've done...."
We have power to act and and to influence another person's journey with mental illness, but we do not have all the power.
As adults, many of us fear our anger. We are used to avoiding it, hiding it away and then when it gets out, it feels too big to handle and causes damage in our lives.
When we rely completely on our partner for all of our relational needs, we risk overburdening our partners and asking for things that they may not possess. No one other person will be able to meet every one of those needs and if we are unwilling to look elsewhere to have them filled than we risk malnourishment in whatever area is lacking. The results of this, at an emotional level, varies from bitterness to depression, from anxiety to anger.
We don’t think of the fact that, as human beings, we don’t live in laboratories and so there are 1000’s of variable at play in each of our lives, even when we might have some big things in common. These variables will result in a wide variety of responses to similar events and experiences.
Consider ways in which another person could have the same goals as you, or goals that you would admire, and still make decisions and act in ways that appear contrary to you.