Continuing to avoid things we know we will need to face means that we are carrying an extra weight, even when we think we are ignoring it.
Feelings do not go away if you bury them, they cause damage internally which sometimes leaks into destructive behaviour, the kind which can put couples in crisis.
Passive aggression most often occurs when someone is angry and feels that they cannot express that anger overtly, and instead communicate it indirectly.
"They say they love me, but if they really knew, who I am... what I've done...."
We have power to act and and to influence another person's journey with mental illness, but we do not have all the power.
As adults, many of us fear our anger. We are used to avoiding it, hiding it away and then when it gets out, it feels too big to handle and causes damage in our lives.
When we rely completely on our partner for all of our relational needs, we risk overburdening our partners and asking for things that they may not possess. No one other person will be able to meet every one of those needs and if we are unwilling to look elsewhere to have them filled than we risk malnourishment in whatever area is lacking. The results of this, at an emotional level, varies from bitterness to depression, from anxiety to anger.
We don’t think of the fact that, as human beings, we don’t live in laboratories and so there are 1000’s of variable at play in each of our lives, even when we might have some big things in common. These variables will result in a wide variety of responses to similar events and experiences.
Consider ways in which another person could have the same goals as you, or goals that you would admire, and still make decisions and act in ways that appear contrary to you.
It sucks to find out that something you said or did hurt another person. It is scary to be accused of something that you didn’t do, or didn’t mean to do. It’s disheartening and sometimes enraging to be labelled a ‘bad person.’ But you are not alone.